Written by Sushmita Kanthan, Registered Psychologist
Emotions are a fundamental part of being a human. It is widely and universally believed that there are 6 basic primary emotions that we can experience as humans; happiness, sadness, fear, anger, disgust and surprise. However, it is important to note that emotions are a lot more complex than these feelings and they can present in various different forms, levels of severities and can be triggered by many aspects. Sometimes the triggers can be overt and easy to identify, however, at other times they can present as subtle or come about spontaneously with no obvious causes. Based on the trigger and level of severity, for some individuals learning to regulate and manage their emotions can be a challenging task. However, with the right amount of psychoeducation, guidance, support and services they too can learn to help manage their big feelings, improve their relationships with others and can cope and thrive in all settings whilst achieving their set goals in life.
What is emotional dysregulation?
Emotional dysregulation is when a child or individual experiences an intense level of an emotion (e.g., anger, fear, sadness) and is unable to effectively manage or regulate their emotions temporarily during a period of time. When emotional dysregulation occurs, a person can feel like they don’t have any control of themselves or their surroundings, can often feel misunderstood by others, can feel extremely overwhelmed or frustrated with themselves or others and can mistakenly be labelled as a “difficult”, “disobedient” or “naughty” individual. It is important to understand that a person does not chose to have a meltdown to be “difficult”, it is an automatic response and a way for them to non-verbally communicate to others that they are having a challenging time through the form of heightened emotions or an explosive reaction.
Examples of emotional dysregulation.
When a child or person doesn’t feel heard, have their basic needs met or feels like they are not being adequately supported in their environments (e.g., home, school, work settings), this can often trigger a meltdown or tantrum to occur whereby the individual may display physical responses such as kicking, biting, hitting, pinching, avoidance, panic attacks, emotional reactions such as crying, extreme fear or shutdown, mood swings, anger outbursts including shouting and screaming. Socially, the individual may become withdrawn, even from activities or events that usually bring comfort or enjoyment to them and mentally they may engage in negative self-talk or disintegrate down a spiral of negative thoughts. Emotional dysregulation can also be seen in forms of impulsive or risk-taking behaviours e.g., absconding, self-harming and suicidal thoughts or attempts.
What causes it?
Emotional dysregulation can be caused by many factors including inconsistent parenting styles in the home setting, past and ongoing trauma (e.g., child neglect, family violence etc), feelings of invalidation for ones experiences or challenges, mental health presentations such as anxiety, borderline personality disorder, etc, neurodevelopmental presentations such as Autism, ADHD, Specific Learning Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Pathological Demand Avoidance, Sensory Processing Disorder etc or unhelpful environmental elements. For some individuals there may also be a genetic predisposition contributing to the onset.
Meltdown triggers (external and internal.)
Emotional dysregulation meltdowns can be triggered by various factors and is often based off a build-up of emotional distress over smaller events over a period of time. It is important to note, that meltdowns can be triggered both internally and externally and, based on the type of trigger, you may have to use a different tailored strategy to support the individual with their needs at the time of their meltdown. Some internal and external triggers for a meltdown are:
Internal triggers:
- Sensory sensitivities and inability to communicate needs effectively.
- Hunger.
- Feeling unwell.
- Tiredness from poor sleep.
- Physical sensations such as having a funny feeling like butterflies or a knot in tummy, lump in throat sensation, tensed muscles, body aches, pain from injuries etc.
External triggers:
- Environmental factors: sensory overload experienced from loud noises, bright lights, certain textured clothing, or food items, school classroom or playground, concerts, crowded spaces etc.
- Demands placed on the individual that are outside of their scope, capacity or mental health space at the time.
- Build-up of ongoing stress or pressure to perform.
- Deadlines to meet and complete set tasks.
- Changes to routine or transitioning between activities (e.g., preferred to non-preferred tasks).
Impact of emotional dysregulation on goal attainment and interpersonal relationships.
Emotional dysregulation can cause significant challenges to an individual’s ability to attain goals or maintain healthy and consistent relationships in their lives. These challenges can present and have an impact on their ability to focus on tasks in different settings (e.g., home, school, workplace), effectively collaborate with others when doing group work, can cause conflicts between friends, family members, colleagues etc. and can impact on a person’s ability to effectively make sound decisions. In interpersonal relationships, meltdowns can cause strains on connections and can ultimately drive people away from the individual without improvement or effective strategies in place.
5 strategies to de-escalate meltdowns.
- Take time away from the situation to relax and distract yourself then, try to name and identify the feeling/s you may be experiencing. Visualise putting each feeling on a cloud and imagine watching each cloud with a feeling float by.
- Describe the feeling (both internal and external sensations experienced) in your body and trace your steps back to what may have triggered you to feel this way by recounting the event. If this is a child, it is important that the child is made to feel validated of their feelings and experiences by the trusted adult at the time.
- Make a list of what’s in your control vs. what is out of your control (e.g., in control of my response vs. not in control of other people’s reactions).
- Focus on the list of things in your control; reflect on times when you have used effective coping strategies in the past to support you with these big feelings, then implement these strategies e.g., deep breathing, practice grounding and mindfulness exercises, go for a walk, listen to music etc. to help you feel calm and settled again.
- Break down any required tasks of you to smaller and more achievable steps. This will help to keep you motivated to get them done quicker. It will also help to build a sense of satisfaction as you complete each one. Upon each task completion, reward and acknowledge through the form of positive reinforcement based on level of difficulty of the task. Positive reinforcement should be based on what you value and find rewarding for yourself e.g., tangible items such as lollies, iPad time, or a day out to a special place, pampering through spa treatment etc. If this is a child, the trusted adult may use emotion coaching and verbal praise; “You are such a great helper. Thank you for gently packing away your toys”. A parent could also provide 1:1 undivided attention involving child-led play.
Navigating emotion dysregulation can be a challenging and daunting task particularly for individuals with a neurodivergent presentation. However, by trying to implement some of these strategies, one can feel more empowered, supported and relaxed in their environments, can maintain healthier relationships with others; and can reach important milestones or goals in their lives.
Where to get help:
It is important to remember that no two individuals are the same. If you or someone you know is experiencing emotional dysregulation challenges, seeking the guidance of a psychologist or mental health professional can be a valuable step towards better emotional well-being and in effectively learning to de-escalate meltdowns.
You may also consider being professionally assessed to determine if a neurodevelopmental presentation may better explain these challenges. Spencer Health is a proudly neuro-affirming clinic with clinicians who are experienced in assessing and diagnosing neurodevelopmental presentations such as Autism, ADHD, Specific Learning Disorder in children, adolescents and adults. All assessments are conducted using gold standard tools.
For more information about our face-to-face and telehealth psychological assessment services visit https://spencerhealth.com.au/psychological-assessment-services/; for information about our KidsLink Social Skills groups visit https://spencerhealth.com.au/social-skills-kidslink/; or to book an appointment contact us or call one of our clinics.
Written by Sushmita Kanthan
Registered Psychologist
Useful links and resources:
https://raisingchildren.net.au/
https://www.yellowladybugs.com.au/
https://www.additudemag.com/